She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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