Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
