Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
