The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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