Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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