I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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