im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
