You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
