Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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