i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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