first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
