Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
