Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
