I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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