I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
