My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
