Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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