i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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