OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
