I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i think i just lost a toe
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
