I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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