you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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