i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
