Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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