i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
