you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
