how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
