look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
