When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
