He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my nose is crying tears of wow.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
