Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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