just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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