I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I would ride that face into the sunset
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
