just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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