So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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