Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
