last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
