I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
