You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
