youre lurking in front of me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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