he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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