Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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