just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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