he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize