my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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