if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
