so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
