i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
