Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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