Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
