Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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