I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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