FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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