it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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