New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
