Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
