bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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