i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
