I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
