btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
