This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
