dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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