I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
