Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
