How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
