im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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