I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
