Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can I color on your dick again?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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