Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
