fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
