is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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