he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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