Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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