hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
