i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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