Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
