Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
