i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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